Football Season A Shopping List

To quote the mighty Bocephus, “Are you ready for some footbaaaaaall?” Because football is ready for you!

No, I’m not talking about soccer. Sorry, rest of the world. I’m talking about the National Football League and the amateur gridiron of the NCAA. The pigskin. The tailgating. The cheerleaders. The hype. The hoopla. The Xs and Os. The strikes and sanctions. You know, good ol’ American football.

Football is kicking off around the country and that means that you, the fan, needs to be on top of your game. Basically, this may be your best chance to purchase a new 55″ 1080p HDTV from LG with TruMotion 120Hz for high-speed action and no motion blur (which is absolutely necessary when guys like Mike Wallace take the field):

Please adjust your set. There should be football on it.

Some other important items are team-specific, like jerseys, caps, assorted cheese hats and some pretty terrible towels.

Terrible towels are great for waving, but also wiping should someone spill a drink on the sofa.

Then there is the grub, which is why most of your friends are showing up for the game. Sure, they like to watch you yell and kick inanimate objects, who doesn’t? But what they really like is pizza, wings, chips and an endless flow of cold beer. The latter is where this comes in:

Be this guy. People will love you.

Anyone can put a bunch of cans on ice, but real football fans know that the best way to recruit friends over is with a barrel of your favorite local brew. Keep it fresh in a keg refrigerator, or “kegerator“. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY BEER COMMERICALS. Yes, those ads help support the NFL and will someday lead to future work stoppages and contract disputes, but good local beer makes good friends. Mass produced bad beer makes fairly amusing television spots. Don’t confuse the two.

Please note, if you are watching college football, make sure that your recruitment of tailgaters and football fans adheres to the code of conduct in place by the NCAA. Also, your spouse.

And there you have it, football fans. Now all you need is the season to start and Sundays off from work. Go team!